a new blog maybe???

So I've been thinking about making a new blog.  Yes that will make blog number 3 for me, but i like to write. I may end up with more depending on what the subject content may be. Ive been thinking alot about making a blog about my weight loss journey or maybe just about weight loss and see if someone wants to co-blog with me about their journey and just make it kinda like a motivation/inspiration blog. I'm really wanting to make a positive change in my life. I've lost 30 lbs so far and I'm on my way to being healthier. My transformation consists of more than just losing weight, I want to be healthier physically, emotionally, and mentally. Maybe a blog about just living a healthy life all the way around. If I had enough contributors then it could cover every angle. Who knows....it could happen. I would love to help people make a change in their lives even is small, even if just reading what i type makes them smile. So lets hope for something good... :)

Mandee xoxo

my lil family rocks :)

my lil family consist of my son, azriel, my daughter, gabriella, my husband, julian, and myself..no pets yet.  i havent seen my kids since christmas eve so i was excited to have them come stay with us this weekend. it seems like they have grown up so much in the short time they have been away. it kinda makes me sad, but then yet i wouldnt notice how much or how fast theyve grown if i seen them everyday. it makes me cherish my time with them even more. i hate sundays when they are here because i know that i only have a few hours with them. saturday is my only full day. i cant wait til summer tho. i get them every other week :) they have adjusted amazingly well to the situation and they love their step-dad :) we are a very happy family! there is definitely no shortage on love,

saturday was perfect :) we played at both parks. julian and i played on the swings for a while and watched the kids play at old hickory park. at cooper park we laid in the grass while the kids played frisbee in the soccer field, then we played hide and seek at rapps barren and then played more frisbee. it was an awesome day for me thats for sure.  it was the first time we all got to really play together. we use to go to the park all the time, but julian and i would usually just sit and talk while the kids played. i cant wait til summer to see what all we can do together. its gonna be a great summer this year.

i never knew i could love anyone as much as this til i had kids, but i never knew i had this much love to give a man til i met julian. i love them more than i ever thought was possible, and its a wonderful feeling to be loved back. i will could never and will never take them for granted. they are the loves of my life...my family.  they are all i need and could ever want. i am beyond blessed :)

Mandee xoxo

getting in shape and feeling beautiful...easier said than done!!

so im on a weight loss conquest and ive made it pretty far :) ive lost a total of 30 lbs!! thats amazing, but im still not happy. ive kind of hit a plateau :( im not happy with the way my body looks and ive lost weight every where but not exactly where i want to lol. the perils of being a mommy who gained way too much weight during pregnancy....talk about being fat lol. anyways im not giving up :) im determined to do this...

i need to tone up tho thats for sure...even my husband said to, oh well hes right, so i took no offense. my husband loves to work out, but hes a gym fanatic and i really dont like the gym scene..its intimidating and i dont like being watched lol. but i have someone to get advice from.  weight lifting intimidates me..alot, only because i dont know proper form, and again i dont like being watched lol. guess i should invest in dvds lol ;)

the 30 lbs that i have lost, i lost from walking and not eating much. i love my reebok easytones lol..so much that i need another pair :D i wish my knee wasnt jacked up cuz i love to run and now i cant. i was wanting to train for a 5k with a friend...no one will do it lol..not to actually run a race or marathon but just to be able to do it. i use to be in such great shape, that was like almost 10 years ago..im getting there slowly. and when i do get pregnant ( again :D ) it will be a healthy one.  im so excited about losing weight and being healthy and having a healthy pregnancy. 

one thing that kinda depresses me is the way my body will look after losing weight...yes we all know what happens to stretch marks :( they look worse. ill be happy and unhappy..thank goodness for tummy tucks tho :) im sure one day i will feel as beautiful as my husband tells me i am; i just dont feel it now :( he constantly tells me im beautiful and calls me his sexy wife or his sexy bunny. the other day he told me i was gorgeous and the most beautiful woman in the world to him...i find it hard to believe. its nice to hear tho :) one thing that i do like about my husband is that he isnt typical...he isnt into the skinny blonde hair blue eyed girls that most men are..he likes average sized brown eyed brunettes!! it makes me pretty happy lol. he loves my curves which is why im trying to keep them...its hard to keep a booty big and round lol.  funny to say but i love my big butt...its the Puerto Rican in me..it just needs to be toned and firmed ;) i dont want a flat secretary ass..i use to think i wanted a sit down office job so i could dress up and look pretty, which is like the last job i had....i dont want that! that would reek havoc on my booty ha ha

so i guess its find a active job of some sort so im not on my ass, and get some awesome work out dvds and equipment :) i have my pilates dvd and my carmen electra aerobic striptease box set and my resistance bands, so i have a lil bit of a start. i need my stability ball and my ablounge..which my ex has and im not sure he will give it back...oh well i can always get new ones :)

needless to say...there are perks to being a fitness nuts wife, so i believe is should take advantage of atleast that.

Mandee xoxo

ordinarily blah

Ok so I dont have much to say for today....kinda sick. Anyways I have alot of aspiration!! I want to do a million things before I leave this earth..once when me and Julian was just friends I sent him a list in a text message that was a million miles long of what I wanted to do lol...lots of crazy stuff. My problem is confidence..I don't have much. I have a million fears tho. I use to be kinda fearless..yeah God knocked me down and taught me to use seat belts. Anyways back to what i was saying...I want to aspire to be or atleast do something besides be just another girl from Arkansas...I think Im past that tho :( age wise anyways lol. ive always loved art and was good at it...ive lost that artistic drive tho, ive always loved to write but its like i have permanent writers block, ive always loved photography but ran out of human subjects...its always something. Luckily i have an amazing husband who supports me in anything i want to do..Julian, if you ever read this..Thank You for being so wonderful and loving, youre my everything..I Love You!! right now i have alot on my mind..things to do and things to get over...i think im going to leave this blog at this...unless i come up with something else to post...HA

Mandee xoxo

a new life for me :)

2010  was a year of highs and lows..like every year only much worse. There was more drama in my life than anyone would ever want. My anxiety sky-rocketted, my tachycardia got worse, my depression deepened, my faith in God slowly disappeared.  I was lying to myself..I was unhappily married, had been for along time, but i had 2 beautiful children and didnt know what to do. I knew what it took to have a successful marriage; I just didn't have it. It doest work without love either...it was beyond complicated and not worth it. God was so important to me and I was letting go of him as I let the stress of what was going on in my life consume me.  I didnt talk to anyone..except for random people i was close to online.  I kept most of my family and friends out of it.  I thought I could go at it alone..so not true! It took alot of love and support from family and friends to get me out of that mess, especially my best friend!

Summer 2010 was the best and worst summer ever!! Im not going to go into detail about my drama or divorce, but I will say that without support Id probably be in a straight jacket lol. Everything almost got nasty with the ex so I unfortunately settled..ended up that i was going to have to anyways. I let my children remain with their father..mostly because it was the house and area they grew up in and around the people they knew their whole life. Its not forever though..just temporary :) I miss my kids terribly, more than I ever thought i could miss anyone, but I cherish and love them that much more. I hate only seeing them every other weekend, but like i said, its only temporary.

The awesome thing about 2010 was on December 17 I married my best friend Julian, the person I should have always been with :) I love this man more than life itself, he's absolutely amazing! He made all the crap I went through tolerable..he was my shoulder to cry on..my absolute best friend :) God certainly blessed me and Julian restored my faith in God. We didnt get to have a wedding like we wanted but we had a beautiful ceremony with the justice of the peace..it was perfect! Yeah i skipped alot of the story but thats because its too personal...just know that I am happy!! FINALLY!!! 2011 will be a better year for me :) the year i start my new life :D

Thank you Lord for giving me a second chance and giving me a good christian husband..you have blessed me beyond anything i could imagine and i am eternally grateful!!!

love & blessings,

Mandee xoxo